Seether - Driven Under

"Then she told me she had a gun" Means that she told him that she has really hurt people before, and will probably do it to him.

Confused

For some reason everybody's pissed off at me. Its like its piss on Joe day. Rather than arguing about stuff I'll just ignore the offended. If at some point they want to talk to me they can in a calm manner.

Oh well some days are great and then you have those that go straight to hell for no reason.

On a lighter note I did my good deed for the day. I always try to do something special for someone whether they realize it or not. Anyways I saw a women crying and stranded on the side of the road. I pulled over and asked what was wrong and she told me her car had stalled out. I pushed her car to a safe location and then she thanked me.

At least one person in this world doesn't hate me.

Believe

“Arthur,” said Ford.
“Hello? Yes?” said Arthur.
“Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.”
“Ah, well, I’m not sure I believe that.”

--excerpt from Life, the Universe, and Everything by Douglas Adams

To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.
- Jean-Paul Sartre

Halloween

Here's a video of Diego removing the guts from a pumpkin. Pics included as well.

A funny pic

A random quote

Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want.

Diego's Birthday Party

Monday is my sons birthday officially. But we decided to have his party last Saturday.
As you can see no expense was spared for him. Well the only thing missing is alot of balloons. You see this was sort of a last minute thing. We were pretty much flying by the seat of our pants.
Everything worked out for the best though. A very special thank you goes out to all the people that made this possible. Thank you Shannon, Carlos, Myah, and Beth.

Staind - So Far Away

You can interpret this video in so many ways. I believe he has found something special after being through so much in his life. Its almost like a dream that he doesnt want to go away. Kinda like my life I suppose.

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping

(chorus)
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing ok
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping

(chorus)

I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me

(chorus)

A change is coming

Every day I wish I was doing something different. Every morning up until a certain point my life has pretty much been the same. I would wake up and make breakfast for the kids and myself. Get them bathed and ready for the day. Then I would do the same for myself. Take them to school or daycare then go to work. This would be the routine everyday that I had my kids and if I didnt have them it would be the same minus the kids.

After this I would go to work, get some coffee, and proceed to sweat like horse for an unappreciative boss. But there is a silver lining to my day. Seeing a certain persons face makes the day all more bearable.

Once I get out of work I go straight to school. This isnt really a bad part of my day but Im a little tired by this time. Sometimes I dont feel like going but I force myself because this class will eventually get me a better paying job.

The time is drawing near. At a certain point I will have enough skills to get a different and better job.

Seether - Broken

Just a note.....Alot of the the songs I post hold special meaning. Whether it be in the lyrics or the symbolism of the song. Most songs are lyrical poems written by artists describing serious pain or love.



I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

Seether- Sympathetic

And my words will be here when I’m gone
As I’m fading away against the wind
And the words you left me linger on
As I’m failing again now, never to change this

And I’m sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam

And it seems I’m alone here, hollow again
As I’m flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again
As I’m failing again now, never to change this

And I’m sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam

The same old feelings are taking over
And I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober,
But I can’t seem to make it go away
The same old feelings are taking over
And I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober
(I can’t make it go away. I can’t make it go away)

And I’m sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m falling, falling, falling,
Falling, falling, falling, falling
Apart again at the seam

Random Thoughts

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

My Father taught me how to be a man – and not by instilling in me a sense of machismo or an agenda of dominance. He taught me that a real man doesn’t take, he gives; he doesn’t use force, he uses logic; doesn’t play the role of trouble-maker, but rather, trouble-shooter; and most importantly, a real man is defined by what’s in his heart, not his pants.

Some of the best things in my life have happened just by chance. My children, friends, and my heart's desire have come into my life by chance. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe fate is driving all of our lives and we have no control over what is going to happen next.

In the end how do you want to be remembered?

Love people for their flaws.

Remember smile

This video made me laugh so I thought Id share it with you. Remember smile.

Top Ramen

As some of you are aware I am a college student and being one causes me to be a little poor sometimes. LOL!!! Check this out I got 50 packs of ramen noodles for around 5 bucks.

Iraq

I don't think alot of us really know what is going over there. Here is some videos that I ran across that put things in perspective.

Seether - Plastic Man

Been feeling a little gloomy lately and I don't know why. This song pretty much sums up my feelings.



I am a plastic man. Wish I could be the one you could be proud of.
I'm losing heart again. Wish I could show you what you think I'm made of.
Someday I know I'll find my place, someday I know this pain will fade.

I am a perfect sale, just wrap me up with a bow and flowers.
I will neglect to tell, I'll sell your story that we love each other.
Someday I know I'll find my place, someday I know this pain will fade.
Someday I know I'll find my place, someday I'll sing my last refrain.

Why don't you let me be, and I'll pretend I'm well.
'Cause you're too blind to see, and I'm too tired to tell.
And in your apathy, your head begins to swell.
Another tragedy, but you're too cold to feel.

Someday I know I'll find my place, someday I know this pain will fade.
Someday I know I'll find my place, someday I'll sing my last refrain.

Because I'm A Man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the blazes could he know where we're going anyway?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you cried at the end of it, I didn't

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the new millennium, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, the shopping and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

Myspace Links

Apparently myspace has blocked my blogsite from displaying on its servers. I discovered this while I clicked on my own link and it went back to myspace's home page. At first I thought I must of mispelled or linked to it incorrectly. I went back and looked at my code and it was correct.

I did some searching and came across many websites describing the same problem I was having.
Check this out

After alot of searching I came across a simple solution. Btw that guy Tom is an idiot. LOL

Our Troops

The Department of Defense (DOD) estimates its “burn rate” of monthly expenses at $6.4 billion in Iraq each month. After spending all that money we cant even provide our troops with basic equipment. Its sad and horrible that we waste lives, money, and our time in a country that doesn't want us there.

Maybe one day we'll have leaders that will spend the money on its own people rather than on their fruitless endeavors.

Cool video I ran across

Its Queens of the Stone Age- Go with the Flow

She said ’i’ll throw myself away,
They’re just photos after all’
I can’t make you hang around.
I can’t wash you off my skin.
Outside the frame, is what we’re leaving out
You won’t remember anyway
I can go with the flow
But don’t say it doesn’t matter anymore
I can go with the flow
Do you believe it in your head?
It’s so safe to play along
Little soldiers in a row
Falling in and out of love
With something sweet to throw away.
But I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate.
Do you believe it in your head?
I can go with the flow
But don’t say it doesn’t matter anymore
I can go with the flow
Do you believe it in your head?

Daddys Toy Is Dead

For those of you that know me I am the biggest video game nerd. I always have to have the newest toy or gadget.


Well its happened again. My Xbox 360 has died again. This is the third one that has bitten the dust. Now I take care of my electronics religiously. So it cant be user error. Apparently Microsoft is having problems with its latest console. The GPU(Graphical Processing Unit) is overheating causing a general hardware failure.


So anyways I called Microsoft tech support and talked to some guy from India. This is where they outsource their tech support to apparently. And after answering a bunch of questions he determines that I have a defective unit and is shipping a box to me. Lets call this a coffin. Because I have to ship the defective unit back to Microsoft so they can send me a refurbished one. Well all is not lost because I was within the warranty period and wont have to pay for anything.

Hmmmm......Now that I have some time on my hands maybe I should actually pick up the phone and call some my friends that I've been neglecting.

Happpy Fathers Day

There were times when all one associated one's father with, was a stern looking man with an invisible stick in hand. During those days, children were afraid to talk to their fathers and readily did whatever he ordered, for they knew only one thing - you can't disobey your father. Still, there was that deep-rooted respect that guided them throughout one's life. Times have changed. Today, dads are more indulgent. They don't expect their children to say, "Yes, father!" all the time. Today, they care for their children more than ever. They go out with them, play with them, pamper them and even change their diapers and cook their lunch whenever they get time. Yet, they haven't lost their position as the epitome of strength and respect in the household. Those times have changed but the love that one have for his/ her father in their heart haven't changed. Love for the father is also a unique one that also have a bit of fear and a feeling of need of that special person to guide our way through to our future.

Here are some Fathers Day Quotes.

* "I've had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started." - Bartrand Hubbard
* "By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. " -Charles Wadsworth
* "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."- Sigmund Freud
* "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. " - Mark Twain
* "The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get." - Tim Russert
* " I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work fifteen and sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the simple eloquence of his example." -Mario Cuomo
* "Be kind to thy father,
for when thou wert young,
Who loved thee so fondly as he?
He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue,
And joined in thy innocent glee." - Margaret Courtney
* "Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance." - Ruth E. Renkel
* "To be a successful father . . . there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years." - Ernest Hemingway
* "A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father." - Gabriel García Márquez
* "It is a wise father that knows his own child." - William Shakespeare
* "All fathers are invisible in daytime; daytime is ruled by mothers and fathers come out at night. Darkness brings home fathers, with their real, unspeakable power. There is more to fathers than meets the eye." - Margaret Atwood
* "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Anonymous
* "To her the name of father was another name for love." - Fanny Fern
* Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers- and fathering is a very important stage in their development." - David M. Gottesman
* "It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was." - Anne Sexton
* "A Man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season." - Anonymous
* "The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and I call him Dad!" - Anonymous
* "A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be." - Anonymous
* "He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." - Clarence Budington Kelland
* My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." - Harmon Killebrew
* "One father is more than a hundred Schoolmasters." - George Herbert
* Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." - Bill Cosby
* "It is not flesh and blood but the heart, which makes us fathers and sons." - Johann Schiller
* There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself." - John Gregory Brown
* "My father was a statesman; I'm a political woman. My father was a saint. I'm not.- Indira Gandhi
* "You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together." - Erika Cosby
* "Father, whom I murdered every night but one, That one, when your death murdered me." - Howard Moss
* "Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys." - Anonymous
* "To her the name of father was another name for love." - Fanny Fern
* "If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons. " - James Baldwin

Fathers Day

Did a little research about one of my favorite holidays.
The Story of Father's Day

Father's Day, contrary to popular misconception, was not established as a holiday in order to help greeting card manufacturers sell more cards. In fact when a "father's day" was first proposed there were no Father's Day cards!

Mrs. John B. Dodd, of Washington, first proposed the idea of a "father's day" in 1909. Mrs. Dodd wanted a special day to honor her father, William Smart. William Smart, a Civil War veteran, was widowed when his wife (Mrs. Dodd's mother) died in childbirth with their sixth child. Mr. Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in eastern Washington state. It was after Mrs. Dodd became an adult that she realized the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his children as a single parent.

The first Father's Day was observed on June 19, 1910 in Spokane Washington. At about the same time in various towns and cities across American other people were beginning to celebrate a "father's day." In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father's Day. Finally in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father's Day.

Father's Day has become a day to not only honor your father, but all men who act as a father figure. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, and adult male friends are all honored on Father's Day.

Individuality

If you saw me walking down the street or in a crowd you would notice that I am not like everyone else. I strive to be different. The way I talk, dress, or think makes me stand out from everyone else.

I always get asked if I am from here. People assume that I come from another state or country. Maybe its because I look so young for my age. I don't know what it is. Maybe they don't understand that I want to be different and stand out.

When my children grow up one of the lessons I will teach them is to be different. When everyone zigs you zag. Don't follow what everyone is doing, do your own thing.

Hopefully they will not try to emulate other people. They should strive to be something greater, something no one else is. The way we distinguish ourselves is by showing our individuality.

Breaking Benjamin

Here's another song that can be interpreted in so many ways. Its Rain by Breaking Benjamin. Lyrics included as well.


"Rain"

Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,

I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Is it you I want,
Or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around

Safe to say from here,
You're getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Student/Sacrifice

Not many people outside my sphere of friends knows that I am a welding student. I think that there is only one other person at my work going to school as well. So many things in my life are sacrificed so that I may go to school. I dont have the best clothes, drive the nicest car, or have enough money. But in the end it will all pay off.

In five years I see myself owning a nice car and house. Its not all the material things I look forward to. My children will benefit the most. They will live a life I never had.

My children are the motivating force in my life at this moment. Everytime I dont feel like studying or going to class I think of them.

So I sacrifice my time, energy, and money for them.

Sharing

The other day my two children were fighting over some playdough. I intervened as soon as I saw them fighting. Of course I told my daughter to share with her brother. She then asked me a simple question, "Why do I always have to share with Diego."

I told her that we as a family always share everything with each other. I explained to her that one day I wont be around anymore and all that she will have is her brother. Once I die Diego will be all that she has. He will be the only to stay at her side through thick and thin. He will be her protector and hopefully her best friend.

One day she will realize what I'm talking about.

Three Days Grace-Gone Forever

This song hits the bullzeye as far as my past is concerned. My life is much better as a result. Here are the lyrics for it.


Don't know what's going on
Don't know what went wrong
Feels like a hundred years I
Still can't believe you're gone
So I'll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes
While these walls surround me with the story of our life

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

Now things are coming clear
And I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared
So I'll stay out all night
Get drunk and fuck and fight
Until the morning comes I'll
Forget about our life

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known it could be so much better
I hope you're missing me
I hope I've made you see
That I'm gone forever

And now it's coming clear
That I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared

I feel so much better
Now that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever

Potty Training

An interesting way of starting a blog isn't it. This past weekend I have been potty training my son Diego.

Its been an interesting experience for sure. You can learn alot about yourself by watching your kids.

He has many of my personality traits. For example he refuses to let anyone help him with anything. I can't help him in any way shape or form. He wants to do everything himself. He refuses to let anyone help him get undressed. He even tries to wipe his own little bum himself.

I see alot of my traits in him. I have a fierce sense of individualism. I like to do things my own way without any help. This has been a downfall in some ways and good and alot of other ways. I do allow people to help sometimes but only if I have no other recourse.

Just like I'm like my father.........He's just like me.(hopefully and improved version)