Random thoughts

• I think we have to lose everything to realize what we never had. 
• Finding people to love me is impossible without loving myself.
• Im a being created by imperfect beings.
• Life is to short to be unhappy.
• If you find someone that likes/loves you hold on to them. You never know where it will lead.
• What doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
• If I fall Im taking everybody down. I cant fail...
• Im a work in progress.
• Not perfect but trying the best I can to be.
• Ive learned not to make the same mistakes.
• What makes someone beautiful is whats in their heart.
• You cant bring me down.

Try

I promise for current/next/future relationship I will try forever. For some of my past ones Ive either given it my best shot or left at the first sign of trouble. But as long as the love is there I wont ever give up.

I promise this to myself.

Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding

Im feeling this song right now. It pierces my soul. I feel to the depths of my being.

Adam Gontier - Take me with you

Compelled

I feel compelled to move away from all of this. Start a new life in a bigger city with every opportunity that comes with it. For some reason a fire has been growing in me. Telling me to go. Telling me to experience. Telling me do something different before I leave this world.

I cant explain it. Ive felt so strongly lately the urge to try something different. Before I was locked down in a relationship that was so suffocating and hateful. Now I don't have to worry about that chapter in my life. Its officially over and now I'm not looking back.

Things I want to do in my life

• Learn the guitar
• Get married
• Get more tatoos
• Travel to different places
• Get a new job
• Find the love of my life
• Let go of the past and focus on me
• Make new friends
• Love somebody forever
• See the world

 I will attain these goals this year. It will absolutely happen. Nothing can stop me now and nothing will hold me down.

It is what it is

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had

Gary Jules

People I used to know

There are some flat out mean-spirited individuals who have made spewing hate and negativity their sole purpose. When you identify one of these discouraging people trying to drag you down, slow your drive, crush your confidence or compact your dreams, don’t engage. Don’t react as if their words hold any merit, and don’t seek revenge. That will only veer you off track and turn you into a pessimist yourself. Do what you do and slap a hater in the face with success.

Love yourself

In order to love someone else you have to love yourself. To do this you have to do things in your life that you love and in turn you will love yourself. For me this means indulging in activities that bring me happiness. Without them I'm lost. Without them I cant love life. They make my world turn. If I was stripped of these things what would I have left. An angry man full of hurt and resentment. I cant be that way. Its just not me. I enjoy being happy and in turn everyone around me is happy.

Things that make me happy are very simple to some but they put a smile on my face. Playing my favorite video game brings me happiness. If you see me I will have a big smile on my face and will forget all my problems for that brief time. When I lift weights it brings me pain and happiness. Everyday I get stronger, bigger, more powerful, and happy. Im in my own world and focus with all my strength and determination. No one can stop me for that one hour of the day. My kids visiting the weekend is another thing that makes me happy. Its the little things I do for them that makes me happy. Everyday I ask them what they want for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I make it for them. My daughter asks me why Im such a good cook and I tell her I put love in the recipe. Sometimes Ill take them to the movies or the park. Things that I never did when I was a kid. I also love to work on my computer. Im usually downloading the newest movie or game. Updating software or tackling some new project.

In the end I ask myself if I'm happy. And the resounding answer is yes. Im ready to love and accept love again. Hopefully forever this time...

Rebeltution - Meant to be

My past

This video almost perfectly describes my last relationship. A man in pain. A man ignored, unloved, and disrespected. Told nobody wanted him or needed him. Hated for being me.

What life has taught me

My life has not been a perfect fairytale. Either by my decisions or because of others. Ive always been one to leap before looking. Fearless in my decisions. For the good or the bad I learn something. Something about myself or others.

Ive never been understood by my mom or siblings. They look at me like Im a wild child. Maybe a misfit stumbling through this world. But thats not the case. They never understood I have no fear of failure. I try anything once. If I succeed then great. If I fail its even better because I learned something about myself.

 Ive seen my share of ups and downs. What its taught me is try harder during the bad times. If it fails then you have no one to blame but yourself. Life will always be good and bad. But a measure of a man is how he handles the bad. If he runs then hes not a man. If he perseveres he is tougher than any man who stands before him.

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

-Harvey Mackay

Me

My Father taught me how to be a man – and not by instilling in me a sense of machismo or an agenda of dominance. He taught me that a real man doesn’t take, he gives; he doesn’t use force, he uses logic; doesn’t play the role of trouble-maker, but rather, trouble-shooter; and most importantly, a real man is defined by what’s in his heart, not his pants.

Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding

The Phoenix

In Greek mythology the Phoenix is a long lived bird that is reborn or regenerated. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor.

Like a Phoenix I have been reborn from the ashes of my past. These past months I have taken my life back. No longer am I unhappy. I have left a bad situation and started over. Hence the reference to a Phoenix.

My happiness is most important to me now. I will not bend my will to those who dont love or respect me. This year will be different....